Forgiveness is a personal and organic process that varies based on the context and the individual. Although it's often better to eventually let go of old grudges in order to move on, forgiveness is not something that can be demanded from someone.
Likewise, processing guilt and regret is a personal journey. Being granted external forgiveness won't magically redeem your self-image and erase all the negative feelings you bear about a past mistake. Conversely, if you've made your own peace with what happened and grown from it, the lack of absolution from the people you've wronged shouldn't bother you that much. Besides, if you truly feel remorse for your actions, you shouldn't be expecting to be granted forgiveness anyway.
This is why you should never ask someone for forgiveness. You may sincerely apologize and convey your remorse, but that's it. It's fine to express your inner emotional landscapeAs long as it's relevant and appropriate, don't further exploit the people you've hurt as improvised psychotherapists., but you can't make demands on someone else's. It's even more indelicate if you've previously hurt them.
To me, requesting forgiveness is a red flag that someone hasn't fully learned from the experience. I have a hard time seeing how penitence and entitlement can intermingle.
Of course, depending on the offense's severity, the protracted withholding of forgiveness can become pretty absurd. Nevertheless, if someone were still upset at me for forgetting an item on a grocery list years after the fact, I'd feel much more impetus to part company rather than endlessly beg for a change of mind.
I think that two wrongs don't make a right and support restorative justiceAs far as I'm concerned, the only reasonable justification behind what may traditionally be considered as "punishment" is preventing additional harm in the present and future, for example, containment and game theory deterrence.. People should have the opportunity to grow from their mistakes and the right to be rehabilitated by society. However, the forgiveness of specific individuals is a completely different matter.
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